History Of Marriage Customs In Africa

In the history of marriage customs in Africa, the institution has taken on at least three (3) principal forms:

• Marriage by capture
• Marriage by purchase
• Marriage by choice

Interestingly, research shows that marriage customs in other parts of world have patterns that are (or were) very similar to the history of marriage customs in Africa. Perhaps this is even more proof that we probably all do share the same roots... but I digress...

Marriage By Capture

The bride-to-be may be either kidnapped or captured prior to the official wedding ceremony or at some point during. During the wedding festivities, friends of the couple may kidnap the bride and will release her only after the groom negotiates for, and pays, her ransom. The kidnapping can be done multiple times throughout the wedding ceremony and it is up to the groom to notice when his bride goes missing.
In the other type of marriage by capture, the groom's family and friends abduct the bride. When the abduction comes to light, the groom's "posse" and the bride's "posse" meet halfway between their villages (or halfway between their family compounds if they are from the same village), where they will either engage in a mock battle OR exchange gifts and/or payment for the bride.
Such practices are seen among the Ganda/Bantu tribes of Uganda and the people of Nyanza in Kenya.

Marriage By Purchase

The theory behind this is basically self-explanatory, however there are subtle differences form tribe to tribe in Africa when it comes to the actual execution.
In Zaire, the groom brings two copper rings or an arrow to the bride and her family. Upon acceptance of the gifts the couple becomes officially betrothed. More gifts are exchanged during the actual wedding ceremony, one of which is a knife given by the groom to the bride's father. The knife signifies that the new husband is now responsible for the wife's safety and well-being.
Among the Zulu, the groom gives cattle to the bride's family and father. The theory behind the cattle is that if for any reason the marriage doesn't work out and the bride has to return to her family, the cattle serve as insurance for her so that she will be able to support herself.
The Nyakysus people of Malawi consider a marriage legitimate only after the bride's representative has received cattle from the groom. The groom still has to work on his bride's father's land for some time. If the marriage doesn't work out then the cattle can be returned and the marriage will be dissolved.

Marriage By Choice

Also known as a "love match", this one of course requires very little to no explanation.
Okay, that's just the tip of the iceberg. Get more African marriage trivia and learn about african wedding rituals too!
Now that you've learned about the history of marriage in Africa, learn how you can incorporate many of these wonderful, colorful, and very festive African wedding traditions and customs into your wedding as well. You don't have to limit the African American traditions you use in your wedding to just jumping the broom.

Love is a fever which marriage puts to bed and cures.
- Richard J. Needham

KWA MAHITAJI YAKO YA SWEET TREATS KWENYE BIRTHDAY,KITCHEN PARTY,SENDOFF NA HARUSI..AGGREY'A CANDIES TREATS WANAKULETEA MEZA MAALUM YA UTAMU WA PIPI ITAKAYOKUWA NA AINA MBALIMBALI ZA PIPI & CHOCOLATES KUKUCHANGAMSHA WEWE NA WAGENI WAKO SIKU IYO.BEI ZAO NI POA KABISAA.......KUWA MDADISI KWA KUJARIBU HII MEZA UONJE UTAMU WA PIPI IZI.TOA ORDER MAPEMA KUPATA MACHAGUO MAZURI YA RANGI....KARIBUNI

   

Get the best wedding reception food ideas. A variety of wedding foods, including finger foods for wedding reception can help to make sure your guests have a satisfying culinary experience on your wedding day. The food you serve will reflect to your guests just how much thought you put into ensuring that they have just as good an experience on your wedding day as you do.
An easy way to incorporate something African into your wedding will be to use African food recipes to make some of the dishes that will be served. Listed below you are some wedding reception food ideas for appetizers, the main course, and dessert.
A good way to save some money is to have an all-out African-style cooking… Everything is made in bulk such that you can have a virtual all-you-can-eat buffet wedding reception. If budget constraints aren't a big issue for you, you can still do this and add even more items to your menu.

Wedding Reception Food Ideas

Looking for African food recipes for your wedding reception? Check out some of the following.

Jollof Rice - a staple at social functions

Jollof rice
Rice is a definite staple in the African diet and can be very easily adapted to be integrated into your wedding menu. Jollof rice is a very popular dish, particularly in West Africa. All the ingredients can be very easily procured in the U.S. and other non-African countries. Jollof rice lends itself well to being made in large portions and is known very well as a "party food". Now depending on who makes it, there are slight variations in the recipe and the steps to get from raw ingredients to finished product but in the end, the result is pretty much the same.

A pan of plantain being fried... delicious...

Plantain recipes
Another staple across the continent are plantains… Plantains make great wedding foods and they are so versatile. There is the simple and nutritious baked plantain which can be a good stand-alone dish. A fried plantain recipe is pretty simple to follow, this is good because almost any type of rice, but most especially jollof rice, is considered naked without fried plantain. Check out even more ideas for plantain recipes.

A bowl of Moroccan lamb

Meat Dishes
Then there's the meat… We do love our meat don't we? From the signature African bush meat, to a variety of the more recognizable Moroccan lamb recipe, every main dish needs some type of meat or animal flesh to compliment it, …sorry vegetarians… With a good biltong recipe, you can have and additional item for the finger foods for wedding reception.

A bowl of Mandazi... yum!

African Desserts
Last but certainly not the least, let's not forget the desserts. After a satisfying dinner you can serve some signature African desserts to your guests. From sweet to savory, your choices are vast. From sweet East African Mandazi, to Koeksisters to chin chin which makes a great finger food.
Not to mention the wedding cake! The pièce de résistance of the entire wedding reception event.

Other African Wedding Foods & Drinks

Other than the main course and desserts, there are some other traditional African wedding reception food that no wedding should be without.
Kola nuts
These are primarily used for libations. Offering kola nut to your guests is also a way of letting them know that they are welcome at your event.

Kola nuts - A staple in many African weddings

And let's not forget about the drinks and beverages...

African Rooibos Tea
Once you take a sip of this tea you'll be hooked. Serve it after the main to help keep your guest's stomachs settled and peaceful.

Moroccan Mint Tea
Sure it's all the rage these days especially at places like Starbucks and Peet's Coffee, but you can also serve this drink after dinner... in tandem with your regular coffee and tea service.

Palm Wine
An alcoholic beverage that is derived from the fruit of the palm tree, this juice-like drink is sweet and refreshing and a must-have at all African weddings. Serve it with dinner alongside you red and white wines.

A cup of cool, refreshing palm wine

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  2.   http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ADrexUR-ZM4

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    3   .http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4rrpIa94JVg
    

                             CLICK THE LINK BELOW TO VIEW THE VIDEO.

                                 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xZKeGjxwu6Y

Mapenzi ni kitu Fulani tofauti sana kwenye hii dunia na hata nje ya hii sayari. Mapenzi kwa kiasi kikubwa sana yanasababisha hata mambo mengine kwenye hii dunia yaende sawa au yaende tofauti hata kama hayahusiani na mahusiano ya mapenzi.


Vifo vingi hutokana na mapenzi, kuna magonjwa watu wanaumwa kisa mapenzi, kuna mambo watu wanayafanya si ya kawaida kisa mapenzi.


Ukiachilia mbali PESA, Mapenzi huwa yana nafasi kubwa sana kwenye kitu chochote ndani yahii dunia tunayoishi. Si masikini wala si tajiri, wote kwa pamoja wanahitaji mapenzi kutoka kwa wanaowapenda ili dunia iweze kwenda sawa kwa upande wao. Na ndio sababu hata mimi hapa ninaandika kuhusu mapenzi kwa sababu yananigusa hata mimi na hata wewe unayesoma hapa sasa.

Ukipata mpenzi anayekuelewa na kukupenda basi hata dunia iwe ya tabu vipi kwako utaiona inazunguka kama kawaida na maisha yatasonga mbele kwako kwa raha mustarehe, na hata matatizo mengine makubwa kwako huwa madogo kwa sababu tu unapenda na kupendwa kwa dhati.


Lakini ukiumizwa kwenye mapenzi au kutojaliwa kama wewe unavyojali basi hata dunia iwe na raha gani kwako utaiona chungu na hata raha ya maisha hutakuwa nayo hata kama una hela kiasi gani na hata kama una cheo kikubwa kama mfalme au hata rais. Wengine hufikia hatu ya kuteseka tu bila kuondoka kwenye mahusiano kwa kuogopa kuumizwa tena huko waendapo na wengine huondoka baadae sana wakiwa tayari wameshachelewa.


Kuna Sababu Nyingi Sana zinazoweza kusababisha mapenzi kupungua kwenye mahusiano yenu na wakati mwingine hata kusababisha kuachana. Mojawapo kati ya sababu hizo ni pamoja na hizi zifuatazo;-


1. UONGO.
Hakuna kitu kibaya kama uongo kwenye mapenzi, uongo wa aina yoyote ile si mzuri kwa wanaopendana kwa dhati kwa sababu huweza kupunguza mapenzi na uaminifu kwa kiasi kikubwa sana miongoni mwa wanaopendana hasa kama mmojawapo akigundua kuwa mwenzi wake ni muongo/anamdanganya. 


Kuna vitu vingine hata kudanganyana haileti maana wala haina tija kwa hiyo kuwa mkweli kwa mpenzi wako kwa lolote lile ni jambo jema sana kuliko kuwa unamdanganya kila siku hadi aje kugundua unamdanganya itakuwa matatizo na unaweza kusababisha kuachana.
 
2. USIRI WA KUPITILIZA.
Miongoni mwa vitu hatari pia kwenye mahusiano ni pamoja na hili la usiri wa kupitiliza. Kama una vitu moyoni na upo kwenye mapenzi/mahusiano bora kabisa si vizuri kuvificha na hasa vile vinavyohusiana na mapenzi yenu moja kwa moja. Ni kweli kuna vingine huwezi kumwambia kwa sababu havina mahusiano ya moja kwa moja na mahusiano yenu ila kuna vingine ni lazima avijue ili kutoleta ugomvi au matatizo hao baadae.



Kama kuna kitu hukuwahi kumwambia na unahisi ukimwambia atakasirika ni bora umtafutie nafasi nzuri umwambie kuliko aje kugundua mwenyewe itakuwa shida sana kukuelewa, kwa mfano mpo kwenye mahusiano mwaka wa 4 sasa na kumbe kabla ya kuwa na yeye ulishawahi kuoa/kuolewa na una watoto 2 kwa huyo mke/mume wa mwanzo ni bora umwambie kuliko kumficha, anaweza kukuelewa lakini mara nyingi ni kwa shingo upande.

3. ANA-CHEAT/ANA MTU MWINGINE.
Hakuna kitu kinauma kwenye Mapenzi kama kugundua kuwa Yule unayempenda tena kwa dhati na kumjali kwa kila kitu halafu yeye kumbe ana mtu mwingine zaidi ya wewe. 

Huwa inauma sana na mara nyingi huwa inasababisha hata wengine kuweza kuondoka kwenye mahusiano hata kama walikuwa bado wanapenda pale walipo. Hakuna binadamu anayependa kuwa ‘’option’’ kwenye mapenzi.


Kamwe Usimuumize Moyo Akupendaye Kiukweli, Usimfanye Ajutie Penzi Lako, Usimfanye Anung'unike Kwa Unayomtendea, Unaweza Kuona Ni Ujanja Lakini Ipo Siku Utahitaji Mapenzi Ya Kweli Kwa Mwingine Na Hutayapata, Laana Ya Mapenzi Ipo, Ukimuumiza Ipo Siku Nawe Utaumia Tu, Mapenzi Ya Kweli Yanawezekana Kama Ukiamua na si kwa ku-cheat.
 
4. DHARAU.
Hii pia huchangia kwa kiasi kikubwa kupunguza mapenzi kama sio kuyamaliza kabisa. Unapokuwa kwenye uhusiano jitahidi kumpenda mtu wako kwa khali yoyote na usiwe na dharau kwake au hata kwa marafiki zake au ndugu zake au hata wengineo. Hakuna mtu anayependa mtu mwenye dharau hata awe nani.


Na hii huwa mara nyingi inatokea pale mmojawapo kati ya wanaopendana akimzidi mwenzake uwezo iwe kwa cheo, pesa,uzuri au hata akili na mara nyingi sana inatokea kwa wasichana pale wanapokuwa wapo juu ya wapenzi wao kiuwezo, ila wasichana wanatakiwa kutambua kuwa Linapokuja Suala La Ndoa/Kuishi Na Mtu, Kwetu Sie Wanaume Huwa Hatuangalii Uzuri/Urembo Wa Mwanamke Kama Ndio Kigezo Pekee Cha Kufanya Tumuoe/Tuishi Na Huyo Mwanamke, Ingekuwa Hivyo Basi Wanawake Wote Warembo/Wazuri Wangekuwa Ndani Ya Ndoa Leo Hii, Hii Inamaanisha Kuwa Hata Ukiwa Mrembo/Mzuri Hutakiwi Kujisahau Ukaona Umeshafika...Utapotea ukileta dharau kwa uzuri wako au uwezo ulionao.


5. MROPOKAJI/ASIYE MSIRI.
Hakuna kitu kinachoweza kumfanya mwenza wako kukukimbia au hata kukosa uaminifu na wewe kama akija kugundua kama wewe ni mropokaji na huna ‘’kifua’’ hasa kwa yale mambo ambayo ni ya chumbani na hayakutakiwa kutoka nje. Hakuna mtu anayependa siri zake kutoka hadharani na huwa inaumiza sana kwenye mapenzi kumpa mtu siri zako then yeye anaenda kusimulia.

Mambo mnayafanya mkiwa wawili tena ndani lakini kesho unaenda mtaani unakuta kila mtu anajua mlichofanya tena wanakuhadithia kama walikuwepo vile, hiyo si kitu nzuri na itakufanya ukimbiwe na kila mpenzi unayempata.


6. TAMAA/KUKOSA UVUMILIVU.
Tamaa ni kitu kingine ambacho hufanya mahusiano mengi kukosa nguvu na mengine kuvurugika kabisa. Kama mpo kwenye mapenzi na mmeamua kupendana kwa shida na raha basi haitakiwi mmoja wenu kuwa na tama na kukosa uvumilivu hata kwa yale mambo yanayoweza kuzuilika.


Kama mpenzi wako ni wa hali Fulani na umeamua kuwa naye basi usiwe na tama kwa vitu vingine ambavyo vinaweza kukusababishia mahusiano yako kukosa nguvu na kufa kabisa. Amini kuwa ipo siku mtakuwa na vitu kama unavyotamani kwa kuongeza bidii kutafuta na kushauriana nini cha kufanya lakini si kwa kutafuta ‘’shotcut’’/njia nyepesi nyepesi zinazoweza kuku-cost hapo baadae.


7. KUKOSA MSIMAMO.
Hii kitu huwakuta wengi sana kwenye mapenzi ya siku hizi. Nadhani ni hali halisi ya dunia ya sasa inachangia pia pamoja na teknolojia tuliyonayo ya kutuwezesha kufanya yale tunayoyaona kwenye mitandao na vyombo mbali mbali vya habari.


Wapenzi wengi siku hizi wamekosa msimamo kwenye mapenzi/mahusiano yao na unakuta tu mmoja anakuwa na wapenzi zaidi ya mmoja na wanakuwa hawafahamiani huku kila mmoja akijua kuwa yeye ndo kila kitu kwa mpenzi wake.

8. KUTOJALI/KUTOKUWA NA MSAADA.
Hii pia kwa kiasi kikubwa inaumiza sana na kupelekea kushuka kwa thamani ya mapenzi miongoni mwa mahusiano mengi haa duniani. Kama kweli unampenda mpenzi wako basi msaidie anapopata matatizo na umjali na kumchukulia kama mpenzi wako na mtu wako wa karibu na sio kukimbia majukumu bila sababu zote za msingi.


Kama huwezi kujali na kusaidia basi usiingie kwenye mahusiano ni bora ukae mwenyewe kuliko kuwepo sehemu usiyotakiwa. 


9. UBAHILI.
Huna sababu yoyote ya kuwa na pesa na mpenzi wako akawa anapata tabu kama vile humuoni. Sijasema utoe pesa hata kwa mambo yasiyo na msingi lakini at least utimize majukumu yako kwa mpenzi wako kila unapohitajika.



Kuna vitu vingine hata huhitaji kuambiwa kama unatakiwa kuvishughulikia, ni wewe mwenyewe tu kuwa responsible kumhudumia mpenzi wako. Na hii huwa ina-apply sana kwa wavulana kutokana na kasumba iliyojengeka na mila tulizozikuta.


10. USHOGA/USAGAJI
Hii ipo wazi kabisaaaaaaa…. Hakuna mtu anayependa mtu wake awe Shoga kama ni mvulana au awe Msagaji kama ni msichana. Ni aibu kubwa sana kwa mpenzi wako kuwa katika makundi haya mawili na sidhani kwa akili ya kawaida kama unaweza kufurahia hiki kitu kama utakisikia au kama utakishuhudia kwa macho yako.

 Kwa wale wasiofahamu kuhusu wedding favors, hizi ni zawadi anazotoa bw.& bibi Harusi siku ya Harusi yao. Wewe kama Bibi au Bwana Harusi unashauriwa kuwa mbunifu sana katika kufanya machaguo ya zawadi hizi, na picha zifuatazo ni aina mbalimbali za zawadi hizo.

In a traditional African weddings the bride and groom’s families play a central role.  Since marriage operates more as a union of families (a theme that resonates in many African and Asian cultures), parent’s opinions are heavily weighed.  This instigates a lapse of time between the proposal and its acceptance.  However, there is no time wasted once the groom receives approval to wed his bride. This is why the engagement and wedding ceremony are “one and the same.”

The Proposal: Marriage chatter amongst the bride’s family begins when the groom initiates the knocking on the door ceremony or “Kokooko.”  This ceremony can be summarized by the three “p’s”: prayer, permission, and proposal.   Accompanied by his father and other elder family members, the groom travels to the bride’s home. He brings gifts of liquor that are used for libations, prayer, to their ancestors and God. After, a representative for the groom is granted permission to state the intention of their visit; he announces the groom’s marriage proposal. Occasionally if little knowledge of the groom is known they will ask him back for what can be compared to: an interview.   The bride’s family then prepares a “bride piece,” or list of gifts that the groom must provide as a testimony of his ability to take care of their daughter.

 

The Wedding Ceremony/Engagement: Fashioned in a grand boubou or dashiki,Khanga, the groom returns to the bride’s home with the detailed gifts and knocking fee or “dowry.” Upon the opening prayers, the bride and groom’s wedding guests are seated on opposite sides of the room facing one another.  An elder is selected as the master of ceremony who assists with the introduction and presentation of the gifts to the bride’s family.  Even though the bride is absent for these initial exchanges, she will give the last consent to the marriage.  Once the family has accepted, the bride enters the space in a beautified two-piece outfit with a headpiece designed to compliment her skirt and buba.  The father of the bride asks the bride three times if she agrees to marring this groom.  After repeating yes, the groom then slides the wedding ring on her finger.  He kisses and embraces her with affection. The ceremony continues with elders presenting the newlyweds with gifts such as a bible and a tidbit of knowledge.   Modern day trends have inspired the church ceremony that occurs approximately a week after the traditional wedding ceremony (described above).

The Reception: What has stood the test of time is the huge celebration after the wedding ceremony. Everything contributes to the energetic rhythm of the party, beginning with the never ending guest list.  A formal invitation is not a necessity, for it is extremely common for a guest to hear about the wedding through word of mouth.  From the guests to the bridal party, everyone is robbed in vibrant colors. Even though Aso-oke,khanga and Adinkra,kitenge are familiar cloths to wear, the most popular fabric chosen is kente in Ghana,khanga and Kitenge in Tanzania. Additionally, a standard practice involves catering the event with chicken and goat – popular meats dishes served at celebrations.  Great volumes of praise and worship combined with speeches and dancing to drum based music circulates until the reception reaches its end.

 

 

I was as obnoxious as any eighteen-year-old can be. When my friends and I graduated high school none of us had ever been on a date. I was certain that a wedding would be very soon in my future, though. I had been trained to be a wife. By that I mean that I grew up in a religious community that had very strict gender lines. I didn’t interact much with men, but I was led to believe that they liked women who knew how to iron a man’s shirt in three minutes and who would be demure and quietly respectful.
I thought that I was somehow more qualified than my high school friends to take this position of wife. And I thought that men would be quickly able to see how qualified I was with my wife résumé.
That’s not how life went. Surprise, surprise, I had a lot of learning to do. And at thirty years old, I’m single and I’ve never been married. (Engaged once, and that was a huge mistake. The relationship was terrible and I rushed it because of wanting the wedding.)
For years now I have listened to the messages of society about how a woman’s worth is directly tied up in her marital status. I try not to believe it, but it’s hard not to. It’s everywhere I turn. From the Huffington Post publishing an article claiming that if you’re not married by thirty the reason is you must be a bitch, to my mom’s friends gossiping about why someone is still single. “She cared about her career too much.” “She shouldn’t have wasted time with that man who wasn’t going to commit.” Everyone has an opinion about what a girl has done wrong to end up thirty and unmarried.
All that pressure and emotion is extremely present when going to friends’ weddings. I adore my friends, I’m delighted for them when they get engaged and married. That doesn’t make it easy for me, though. When I watch a particular wedding show about difficult brides (and I do, because hey, whether I’m engaged or not, I love weddings. There’s a reason I’m here at this site!), one of the things that surprises me is when the brides are upset with their bridesmaids for not becoming perfect robot wedding helpers without their own lives. The brides become outraged at their friends for being in the hospital or having a relative die. I think brides need to remember that their friends are not going to behave perfectly. They’re going to be themselves.
But more than that, they are going to be dealing with some very strong emotions of their own during this magical day of yours. It’s not because they are selfish, it’s just what weddings bring up for some of us.
When my closest friend from home called me to tell me she was engaged, I felt two things at once. Very happy for her and devastated that her new husband was “stealing” her from me. I mourned the loss of being the closest person in her life. I felt like her wedding was a ceremony to replace me. In a lot of ways, it was.
A friend and I who grew very close in college had a friendly competition about our guys, guessing which one would propose first. My guy and I split up soon after college, hers proposed some years later. She was marrying the first man she ever kissed and it was such a romantic notion that I couldn’t help but be struck by my own failure. I would not marry the first man I kissed. I had not chosen well. She was getting the fairy tale that I wanted for myself. I didn’t begrudge her having it, but it didn’t make it any easier to suppress my own longing and disappointment.
I’ve been to many, many weddings. At most of them I know at least a few people are gossiping about me, wondering why I didn’t bring a date or when I’ll follow suit. I want them to be proud of me, to see me as a success, but no matter what I do, without a wedding I’ll always be tainted by failure. Some people just think that way. And I get to see them every time there’s a wedding.
I know that this day is about you and your beloved, about the love that you share and celebrating that love. I am loving seeing you happy. I’m doing my best to support you through the stress and the fears and the big changes. At the same time I’m battling my own inner war. I can’t make that go away. As much as I love weddings, they are always going to remind me of what I’m missing, of what I wanted for myself that I’ve not been able to get (when everything else I want is something I work toward and achieve). They fill me with jealousy, love, well wishes, remorse, frustration, appreciation, and disappointment.
You want your guests to have a good time, but that isn’t entirely in your control. You can throw a great, fun party, but you can’t change the inner turmoil that some people will be experiencing. I still love celebrating my friends’ weddings with them, no matter what painful feelings might poke at me during the experience.
I don’t want to bring you down or make you feel bad. I just want to say that your responsibility is to enjoy your wedding and to celebrate how much you love your spouse. Your friends will be experiencing different things than you are, but it’s not your job to fix that. Yours is to just be happy so that we can feel relieved knowing that real love is possible in this world.

Laura, Primary Teacher & Maxwell, Grant Consultant * Photographer: Jonas Seaman (APW Sponsor) * Soundtrack for Reading: “Sea of Love” by Cat Power *

 Other cool stuff we should know about: The beach wedding was going to happen, rain or shine, and it rained—hard! Friends were sent to town to buy as many umbrellas as they could find. The bride was ushered in on a boat, while the groom and guests waited on the beach. The ceremony was short, sweet, and sometimes funny. It was very personal as it was written together with the bride and groom’s BFF, who ordained the ceremony as well. The vows were super personal, handwritten notes of promise. Friends played and sang “Sea of Love,” and another friend read “Song of the Open Road,” by Walt Whitman.