1. Do we need to get matching rings?
The most common question I get asked is 'Should a couple wear matching
rings?' I have seen many answers to this question over the years, but my
personal opinion is NO, the rings do not need to match. My feeling is
if a couple is comprised of two individuals, it is perfectly okay to
maintain that individuality by each getting a ring that suits their
personal tastes. Having said that, I offer options that allow couples to
choose similar designs that can be customized for each partner's taste:
same rings, different looks.
2. Should we get engagement rings or wedding bands or both?
I am a strong believer in getting engaged. It always seems to me that in
our struggles to achieve marriage equality, same-sex couples skip a
very important part of the longtime relationship, the engagement. So:
Get Engaged! I am just beginning to see more couples insisting on that
nice shiny diamond (or other stone) on their finger for a period of time
before the wedding. With so many options as to how to make a wedding
set out of an engagement ring and wedding band, everyone is sure to find
one that works on his or her finger. I suggest looking into
non-conventional ideas for the rings. An engagement ring DOES NOT need
to be the old fashioned traditional ring with a single stone standing
tall in a high setting. There are ways to make a set of rings that are
classy, elegant and timeless.
3. What hand do we wear our rings on?
This is a tricky one. Some claim the hand you choose depends on if you
are straight or gay. Others suggest it is your religious background that
dictates which hand to wear your rings. Usually, I find that a straight
couples wears their rings on the left hand whereas a gay couple will
wear them on the right. I also know of many women who wear their
engagement ring on left hand, and once the wedding band is added at the
wedding, they switch the engagement ring to the right hand and wear the
rings individually. I think it is a personal decision. My preference is
right hand for both an engagement ring and/or the wedding band.
4. Do the rings have to be Gold? Silver? Platinum?
Obviously there is no right or wrong metal when choosing a wedding ring.
Though I notice the metal of choice by most is gold, with platinum
making up about 20% of selections. Silver is an affordable substitute,
but not as durable in keeping its shine and luster over time, so may
need to be thought out. I always remind people that if these are rings
that they plan on wearing every day for the rest of their lives
together, they need to consider something durable and long lasting,
though care and long-term treatment of any metal would help the
longevity of any ring.
5. Who proposes to whom?
Ah. An interesting question. The answers are plentiful here, simply
because the dynamics of each relationship is different. I find there are
couples who choose to have the discussion on whether or not they would
like to get engaged and then married, in which case the proposal is less
of an issue than the purchasing of the rings. However, when one partner
decides on taking that step of commitment and would like to surprise
their significant other with a proposal of matrimony, there is never a
right or wrong answer as to who decides to go first and propose. Unlike
straight couples where the norm is to have the guy woo the girl and ask
for her hand, in same-sex couples I feel both are in a position to do
the proposing.
6. Should we shop together or surprise each other?
I do find many couples shop together for their rings, meaning they
discuss ahead of time their plans, make decisions together and get their
rings at the same time in full sight of each other's choices. However,
every now and then I get the romantic who walks in -- be it male or
female -- who wants to get that special someone an engagement ring and
'pop the question.' Those stories always tug at my heartstrings, and I
find that with the acceptance of engagements among same-sex couples,
these are becoming more frequent. The interesting thing is what happens
next. When one partner proposes to the other, is a reciprocal exchange
required? Again I have to say each couple is different, but the norm is
usually that the partner who was proposed to first will then want to go
out and get his/her now fianc'e a ring as well.
7. How long before a wedding (or proposal) should we be shopping for rings?
It usually takes me, as a jeweler, anywhere from two to three weeks to
make a ring from start to finish. I normally sell designs that already
exist and just need to be created to the specifications (finger size,
gold color, etc.) of the customer. However, when custom-designing a
bespoke ring, sometimes that may add a week or two. Other stores may
offer anywhere from one week to six weeks waiting time, so take into
account enough lead time if you have a special date in mind.
8. What if I do not know his (or her) finger size?
Though ring sizes can be modified after the fact, I always suggest
getting a more accurate measurement before ordering your rings. If you
are shopping together, naturally walking into a jewelry store and asking
to get your fingers measured is always a good idea. Another suggestion
is long before you even think of getting rings to have both your fingers
measured and writing it down somewhere, for that 'someday' when one of
you may need it. And of course, the ultimate 'I want to surprise him or
her' what do I do now' scenario comes to mind. In those cases, borrowing
a ring the partner will not miss for a day or two and have it sized at a
local jeweler would be sufficient to get the finger size. If that
doesn't work, perhaps getting the aid of a friend or family member to
ask or have the partner get sized while shopping may produce the needed
information. Finally, not as accurate, but better than nothing, there is
a great ring sizing chart here that may help.
9. Does it have to be rings?
Though traditionally we have all grown up seeing rings as symbolic of a
couple's love and commitment towards one another, over the years I've
seen couples that have chosen to get bracelets or pendants instead. In
my opinion, rings symbolize our bond much stronger than a linked chain
around the neck or wrist, but either will do keeping in mind it's really
the symbolism that matters.
10. What should be the budget?
Naturally budget is a personal decision based on many variables, but I
always suggest a couple first consider the amount they feel is within
their means. Next, go look at rings without purchasing. Online surfing
is a good way to get ideas at price ranges. I find many people are
surprised at what their budget actually allows them to purchase. After
gathering some data, revisit your budget. Consider either maintaining
the budget you started with, or adjusting the budget according to what
is out there. You'll be able to find a ring within any budget, it may
simply take some time and require some compromising on quality or size,
but every budget has a ring out there.
Most importantly, once you decide on a budget, it is very, very easy to
be tempted to raise it. Try to avoid the temptations! Keep in mind a
typical same-sex couple interested in both engagement rings and wedding
bands are talking about potentially purchasing 4 rings over the course
of the engagement. These rings can easily fit any budget, as long as you
don't get tempted to overstep your perimeters.
My final words of advice: Make the experience a fun one! Enjoy the
browsing, shopping, and surfing, whether you do it together or
individually. So'Get Engaged! Get Married! And Live Happily Ever After!
